Down and Dumped
First of all, for those of you who are my friends reading this, know this isn't about you. This is about my feelings of - well - loss and abandonment that have come up the past week. Again, not blaming you; just feeling sad for me. Once again I had an opportunity to do something fun and different, and I didn't do it because I didn't want to do it alone. I was given tickets to go see Dar Williams and Melissa Ferrick at the Roxy. I've never been to the Roxy. I've been a sort-of fan of Dar's for some time, ever since her Yule song The Christians and the Pagans, and I like Melissa's Drive, so I thought it would be fun. But I quickly ran out my very short list of friends who were either working or otherwise busy already. I posted blindly on FaceBook hoping that someone would be interested. No bites. I even posted again on CraigsList. I got a couple creepy responses, and one response from - shock - Paul, the same guy who answered my blind ad last year for Dusty Springfield. He knew it was me, and just wanted to say hello. But no date. No friend. No night out. Two tickets kicked back to the box office because my friend network is so weak. I blame no one but myself, I just don't know when I got this way. Have the Interwebs fooled me into thinking I have friends just because someone comments on my page? Have I fooled myself into thinking I'm not lonely, when in fact I very much am?
I saw Grey Gardens for the first time ever this week. Don had been talking about it, so I thought I'd check out the documentary from 1975. That's going to be me. I'm going to be Big Edie sitting in my own filth feeding cats and raccoons because I have no friends. Wait, incorrect, I'll have one young man who is slowly stealing everything from me and using me for a place to stay. If you count that as a "friend."
So I sat in a melancholy mood Sunday and scanned in some old pics from old photo albums. Days when I had more friends than I knew what to do with - whom I may have taken for granted. Why is it so hard to make friends as you get older? Is it? Or is it just me?
Do Your Part
If you want to sponsor the AIDS Ride, click here to help a friend of mine out as he takes care of all those riding 545 miles in 7 days: Sponsor Buzz.
