It's been tough since March 5, when I first got wind of my impending termination. But I struggle on.

This past week marked the Vernal Equinox, and I made sure to try and align with the energies of the season: getting the garden ready, tending seeds, noticing first growth... in flowers and in ideas. For example, this week I made sure the groundwork I had laid to work during the summer months for the Pearson Foundation as a traveling facilitator at technology trainings had started to pay off. I received a formal offer of two guaranteed weeks in June and an informal offer for more throughout the summer, depending on client need. They don't have full time jobs, so some summer contract work is as good as they can offer me, which is good.

Then I made sure to celebrate the sensuality of the season with some leathermen at the Mr. Long Beach Leather contest held at Pistons this week. I've now been to Pistons more this month than in the previous 5 years put together.

And photography class rolls on for another couple of weeks. This week we shot both amateur and professional actors for a head shot assignment. I think I did pretty well, considering she wanted something that was commercial and made her look approachable for everything from selling toothpaste to being a detective on CSI. But see for yourself.

I won't kid you, I'm going crazy. I can't sleep at night because as soon as I try and turn my mind off, all I can do is worry about the future - what happens after June 21 and I don't have a job? Whether things will get better or not doesn't matter - the stress and anxiety I'm feeling with each passing day is going to be my death. I honestly think it's cruel to tell someone you're going to fire them in 4 months. I am not entirely sure I can handle it.

And because I haven't mentioned it in a while, it's time to get back on it. I'm only down 15 total since January 1... about half where I wanted to be. Then again, with the stress eating for the past three weeks and the celebration eating I've done with Pearson all this week, 15 isn't bad. Now I'm confessing it, and it's time to get back on track.