Trips are good for thinking, especially if one travels solo. After my interview Friday, I found myself alone in San Diego. That is, I planned to spend the weekend in San Diego after my Temecula stopover and I had invited Don and Joel down, and I had mentioned it to a few others in Long Beach trying to get a travel buddy. None were available. I contacted a couple people I know in San Diego hoping to meet up with them, but for one reason and another, that didn't work either. And so I found myself more on a retreat than a vacation. But, I told myself, maybe this is what I need.

Saturday was a day in structured nature: I spent about 4 hours walking around Balboa Park. Why Los Angeles doesn't have something like this, I'm sure I don't know. Balboa Park is amazing. As it was May Day, I did my own little mini solo ritual in a place I stumbled across called the Redwood Circle. Me, being all earthy and jazz, found it really cool to stand among redwoods and give my thanks on this spring holiday. Strength and endurance, to live and to thrive. These things I seek. I haven't broken yet, and I'm hoping that my work on Saturday keeps me solid and strong.

Balboa Park also has like a million museums and restaurants and art centers and greenbelts and fountains... it's a great place to spend a day. It's also a great place to do people watching. There are some crazy people hanging at the park. Like the nerds on parade... the Segway Tourists. And yes, I say this out of jealousy that I was not, in fact, part of the tour. Speaking of tours, since I didn't really plan this trip at all, I also didn't take a tour of the San Diego Globe Theater. I was curious - I've been inside the London Globe, I wondered how this compared. Is it all authentic inside with wood stalls and mostly standing room on the circular floor? Or was it just a circular shape with fancy cloth seats like any other theater? What do the Sandy-Eggans prefer?

And then there were the not-quite-crazy-but-questionable people to watch. Standing in a fountain for a snapshot? Why not. Good thing they brought along the umbrella. And the goth kids... at first I thought it was a May Day ritual taking place, but it was just a photo shoot. Photo shoots were very popular at this giant organ (no pun intended) in the middle of the park. Several wedding parties were being photographed, at least one first communion group, and the goth kids. One of them I swear was the kid from Glee. The gay one. He's the one in the black bob wig and the tiny hat. See for yourself. I think one of the most interesting thing to watch was the guys taking the Parkour class: running, jumping, diving, wall-climbing, ledge-walking... it was pretty cool. Sure I felt like a creepy stalker, but heck, it was one of the more interesting things going on in the park that day.

Amazingly, on my way back to the car, I came upon (no pun intended) the gay section of Balboa Park. Well, it may not have been the gay section, but it was definitely a gay section. Some beautiful boys laying out in the sun for the afternoon. I still haven't decided if I am now more motivated or just more miserable... moving along.

I spent the evening after dinner relaxing in the jacuzzi and flirting with this guy who I had met two years ago over New Year's Eve. He came over for some cocktails and we were going to attend some Bear Night at the Bacchus House. Supposed to be some big thing, and I was definitely down for going out as long as I had Ray to talk to; I mean, I wasn't going to be hunting for any bears, was I? But the line for the bar... the obvious crowd inside... I just had him make a u-turn and skip Bacchus. We had a drink at the Brass Rail instead, and then ended the night with more jacuzzi after sunset.

(Sombertown Warning)

On Sunday, I made the drive home - this time along the coast instead of down the 15 through dirt and vineyards. I made a stop for lunch in Laguna Beach, it'd been ages since I was down there. I was again reminded of the fact that I felt really lonely eating by myself while so many others were talking with friends.

That's kind of the tone of the weekend - I had some fun, I did a good interview, I had a good walk in the park, but basically, I am rather a loner. Some people I know on the fringes have these groups, these families of friends... I don't have that. I have single friends - one here, one there, another over there - they don't blend naturally and they aren't a pack. When did I lose that? Did I ever have that? I feel this weekend like I want that pod to travel with. This means that in the past three years, I haven't grown much at all. I recall saying these same things when I first moved to Glendale and tried to meet some gay pagans to form a family.

Uh oh, I'm getting to be a downer. Let's end this week by saying I learned a lot this week, and I'm doing what I need to in order to keep myself safe. Insulated, but safe.